I need to wise up and have more confidence. Im making the same mistakes again and again and its killing me.
I literally looked in the mirror today and cringed.. I put myself through unnecessary hurt and worry just because I need to get a clue. I am a normal well rounded girl who has dreams ambitions and a good character so why do I mess it all up with my lack of confidence in myself. Its like at times I don't allow myself happiness and beat myself up way too much.
Someone once made me feel like I was useless and unattractive and its stayed with me like some sort of invisible list in my hand, that im forced to read everytime I try to do something.
When you are laughed at, run down and criticized whenever you speak it leaves a lasting twist in the way you see yourself.
I know im clumsy, I know ditzy at times and come out with the most ridiculus things... I know I need to be more assertive and exude more confidence. I paint this unrealistic picture of myself though as being some sort of desperate loser when Im totally not.
I worry way too much.. I worry about everything from saving starving children in third world countries to what I have to get for my tea.
It like im not happy unless im caring about someone or something.
At the end of that day theres a little voice at the back of my head pushing me to love who I am and I fight it. I have a great boyfriend who Is the first guy who I have really cared about in a long time I just worry that my lack of confidence is going to push him away.
Don't get me wrong I am a happy person and I am so grateful for the things in my life I just am determined now to just relax and not read into things so much.
I am excited about starting uni again in October.. I think this will help me as I can put my over analytical mind too good use.
I have told myself that starting tomorrow im not going to put myself down anymore because I do have alot going for me and I need to build on making myself happy before others for a change.