Wednesday, 2 September 2009

This is a charity close to my heart...


Haven't updated this in a while quite alot has happened..
This summer has been a busy one....
mark kozlek
have heart
Chuck Ragan
riding my bike all over the place
make shift picnics
scorching heat
lying in parks
bmx jams
road trips all over the place
London tube
Autograss racing
Shopping trips with mates
walking my dog
...And I still have brighton to go it will be kinda sad because it marks the end of my summer.
I think this summer has been one of the best Ive had in a long time.

Wednesday, 8 July 2009


On a happier note arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I want to ride my bike!!
I miss it... haha its currently in my hall way all bits can't wait to put him back together on the weekend.


I need to wise up and have more confidence. Im making the same mistakes again and again and its killing me.
I literally looked in the mirror today and cringed.. I put myself through unnecessary hurt and worry just because I need to get a clue. I am a normal well rounded girl who has dreams ambitions and a good character so why do I mess it all up with my lack of confidence in myself. Its like at times I don't allow myself happiness and beat myself up way too much.
Someone once made me feel like I was useless and unattractive and its stayed with me like some sort of invisible list in my hand, that im forced to read everytime I try to do something.
When you are laughed at, run down and criticized whenever you speak it leaves a lasting twist in the way you see yourself.
I know im clumsy, I know ditzy at times and come out with the most ridiculus things... I know I need to be more assertive and exude more confidence. I paint this unrealistic picture of myself though as being some sort of desperate loser when Im totally not.
I worry way too much.. I worry about everything from saving starving children in third world countries to what I have to get for my tea.
It like im not happy unless im caring about someone or something.
At the end of that day theres a little voice at the back of my head pushing me to love who I am and I fight it. I have a great boyfriend who Is the first guy who I have really cared about in a long time I just worry that my lack of confidence is going to push him away.
Don't get me wrong I am a happy person and I am so grateful for the things in my life I just am determined now to just relax and not read into things so much.
I am excited about starting uni again in October.. I think this will help me as I can put my over analytical mind too good use.
I have told myself that starting tomorrow im not going to put myself down anymore because I do have alot going for me and I need to build on making myself happy before others for a change.

Tuesday, 30 June 2009


Its so hot today my feet may actually burn away from my ankles.....
Been in a mixed mood today was glad I had work to keep me busy. Been listening to alot of ampere and knapsack on the way too ampere made me cycle faster ...this weather makes it hard for me to think not good when your heads full anyway.
...... I love the way this band sounds disconnected yet together all at the same time.

Monday, 29 June 2009

lisa loeb...


I feel really frustrated, why do I beat myself up?.
In my eyes im never good enough at anything. I wonder sometimes if my lack of confidence is a direct result of how my brain functions or just of experiences I have had. I pick myself apart when others try to build me up.
I wish I didn't worry about every little thing, I want to take on all the worries of the world and its like I suck up every human emotion like a sponge, constantly wanting to help with any sort of distress or sadness in peoples lives. I wonder sometimes if Im way to soft and if I need to toughen up and close myself off. I don't think it is in me to be like this.
Life seems so hard when all you wish for in life is simple stuff like being treated nicely by people or gaining some sort of happiness from my daily routine.
I think the problem is I care to much.. but is this a problem? Or is it other people who have a problem not caring. Don't get me wrong I am a happy person who loves life I just wish sometimes I didn't think quite so much.

Sunday, 28 June 2009


my weekend consisted of...
damnation AD
new bike
Lovely guy

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Why I love E.E Cummings

i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart

i am never without it
i am never without it

anywhere i go you go my dear
and whatever is done by only me is your doing my darling

i fear no fate
for you are my fate my sweet

i want no world
for beautiful you are my world my true

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

the sky of the sky of a tree called life
which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart i carry it in my heart


I wish..
I had longer hair
I could play guitar better.
I was less clumsy.
I had more condidence.
I could really make a difference with my charity work...and my efforts were noticed.
I didnt get taken advantage of by friends so much...
I could win the lottery and make my parents lives a bit easier.

Monday, 22 June 2009


After reading my old blogspot from 2007 I felt rather depressed and decided to start a new one so welcome back to my world of vague ramblings. I aim to write something here everyday and keep it going as I noticed just how random my last page was..typical.